Funny Stuff

4 min read

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matchmakingdove1028's avatar
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Nobody should be offended by this K?? This is supposed 2 be 4 jokes only C:

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

When you are in jail a friend will bail you out, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying "dang, that was fun!"

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

Friends will always be like "Well, you deserve better!" but best friends will prank call him saying "Seven days..."

A friend will comfort you when he rejects you, but a best friend will go up to him and say "Its because you're gay isn't it?"

I called your boyfriend "gay" and he hit me with his purse!

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

The toothfairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.

I'm not crazy. My reality is just different then yours.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny.

Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

You're a special kind of stupid, aren't you?

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask directions.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.

I'm not random, I'm just HEY LOOK A SQUIRREL!

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You jump off a cliff, I laugh.

It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

They never suspect the short one.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face.

You're a great friend, but if the zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.

Hey stupid! Your sock is untied!

Ever notice that studying is "student" and "dying" put together?

Im not random, you just can't think as fast as me.

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.

Im not as random as you think I salad.

On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin.

Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy. You right there! Do you like tacos?

Making us all wish we were blind: Speedo.

Worst time to have a heart attack; during a game of charades.

If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you.

I ROCK! Guitar hero told me.

I tried being normal, but I didn't like it.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die.

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking

The below statement is true

The above statement is false

PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.

Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1?

Boy break hearts so why don't we break their necks?

I'm NOT SHORT!! ... I'm fun sized!

I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a... aww who am I kidding!

HELL- Where all the fun people end up

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger... then it hit me

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if properly aimed.

© 2014 - 2024 matchmakingdove1028
Comments4
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HarrePttr's avatar
It's a bit sexist against boys D:
Someone might take it the wrong way..